Hitler not alive on the moon, study confirms

Posted By Staff

Date: July 5th, 2018

Category: Nutty News

hitlerAfter completing what they say is the first examination of Adolf Hitler’s remains since World War II, a team of researchers has announced that the Nazi leader most definitely died in Berlin and, therefore, cannot possibly still be alive on the moon.

The study was no easy feat. Over the past 73 years, Hitler’s presumed corpse has been set on fire, secretly buried, dug up by the Soviets, hidden by the KGB and finally ordered destroyed.

Hitler’s person, meanwhile, has appeared in the fantasies of all manner of conspiracy theorists who insist his body is a fake.

So last year, a team of French researchers persuaded the Russian government to let them inspect the last two bits of Hitler known to exist: a bullet-shot chunk of skull and a set of frankly disgusting teeth.

They compared these fragments to war-era autopsy records and concluded that, yep, those are definitely Hitler’s teeth.

“There is no possible doubt. Our study proves that Hitler died in 1945,” co-author Philippe Charlier told Agence France-Presse after the paper published Friday in the European Journal of Internal Medicine.

“He did not flee to Argentina in a submarine,” Charlier continued. “He is not in a hidden base in Antarctica or on the dark side of the moon.”

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