13-Year-Old Boy Charged with Assault for Blowing McDonald’s French Fry Out of Straw

Posted By Staff

Date: August 4th, 2018

Category: Nutty News

mcdonaldsThe boy and three of his friends were eating at a McDonald’s in Hammersmith, West London, when they started acting like… a group of unattended 13-year-old boys. One of them allegedly put a French fry into his straw and tried to launch it at his friend’s face. He missed.

The fry hit a woman who was eating with a group of her friends, and she confronted the kid. According to The Sun, all seven of them got into a fight that spilled outside the restaurant, and the boys all found themselves facing criminal charges.

After a police investigation that stretched across an embarrassing number of calendar pages, the fry-launcher was charged with assault; after two magistrate trials, the charge was dropped after he accepted a police caution.

The boy’s mother said that the investigation and the legal proceedings were all Super Sized wastes of time—and also she said there’s no way her kid fired a fry at a stranger’s face. “It’s ridiculous. I tried to put a chip in a McDonald’s straw,” she said. “It doesn’t fit.” (Hopefully, the Ghost of Johnny Cochran is haunting the shit out of…someone, repeating his catch phrase for all eternity).

Thank goodness the fast food chain has already pledged to remove its dangerous French fry launchers from its restaurants. Those weaker, less deadly paper ones can’t get here soon enough.

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