Archive for the ‘Nutty Jokes’ Category

A man walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer before the problems start!”

Posted By Staff

Date: January 26th, 2018

Category: Nutty Jokes

beerA man walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer before the problems start!”

He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, He drinks the beer and then orders another saying,

“Give me a beer before the problems start!”   More

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Owed Money

Posted By Staff

Date: January 9th, 2018

Category: Nutty Jokes

lawyerA man went to his lawyer and asked him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?”

“Do you have any proof he owes you the money?” asked the lawyer.

“Nope,” replied the man.

“Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owes you,” said the lawyer.

“But it’s only $500,” replied the man.

“Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!”

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Fishing on the Job

Posted By Staff

Date: January 6th, 2018

Category: Nutty Jokes

fishAn insurance broker, living in Florida, loves ocean fishing and decided to take his boat out for a troll.

That morning, he was drifting about ten miles offshore and received a business call on his cell phone.

Suddenly, his rod bent double and the reel screamed as line poured off the spool.

This salesman was master of the situation.

“Pardon me,” he told his customer calmly.

“I have a call on another line.”

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I Just Made You Half Owner!

Posted By Staff

Date: January 5th, 2018

Category: Nutty Jokes

buyA very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I welcome you into the family!” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I am making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory everyday and learn the operation.”

The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”

“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”

“I hate office work,” said the son-in-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk.”

“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half owner of a money-making industry, but you don’t like factories, and won’t work in an office. What am I going to do with you?”

“Easy,” said the son-in-law. “Buy me out.”

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Split Second vs Nano Second

Posted By Staff

Date: January 3rd, 2018

Category: Nutty Jokes

waitingI have discovered the answer to a question that has been puzzling scientists for hundreds of years.

What is the exact difference between a split second and a nanosecond?

My girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to a fancy dinner when, right as we were about to leave home, my girlfriend asked me the question all guys dread. She asked, “Does this dress look bad on me?”

If I had said “no” in a nanosecond, we’d have been out the door. However, since I took a split second before responding, she had to go back up to her closet to change, again.

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Walk on Water

Posted By Staff

Date: December 31st, 2017

Category: Nutty Jokes

waterDallas heard that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all walked on water on their 21st birthdays.

So, on his 21st birthday, Dallas and his big brother Damon, headed out to the lake. “If they did it, I can too!” he insisted.

When Dallas and Damon arrived at the lake, they rented a canoe and began paddling.

When they got to the middle of the lake, Dallas stepped off of the side of the boat… and nearly drowned. Furious and somewhat embarrassed, he and Damon headed for home.

When Dallas arrived back at the family home, he asked his grandmother for an explanation. “Grandma, why can’t I walk on water like my father, and his father, and his father before him?”

His sweet old grandmother took Dallas by the hand, looked into his eyes, and explained, “That’s because your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were born in January. You, my dear, were born in June.”

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When I thought about being a doctor

Posted By Staff

Date: December 30th, 2017

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Category: Nutty Jokes

docWhen I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.

One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters “PNEIS” into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered spine are doctors today.

The rest of us are sending jokes by email.

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Man Taking Father To Church Shoots Driver For Blocking His Car

Posted By Staff

Date: August 14th, 2017

churchHIGHLAND (CBSLA.com)   Deputies with the Highland Police Department are on the hunt for an attempted murder suspect who they say shot a man who was blocking his car Sunday morning making him late for church.

Officials said the incident occurred just before 8:45 a.m. on the 7700 block of McKinley Street.

Upon arrival, deputies located the victim, Jamie Hawkins, 20, suffering from an apparent gunshot wound to the throat.  More

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Couple behind the viral YouTube “prank” channel DaddyOFive have lost custody of two of their children

Posted By Staff

Date: July 8th, 2017

prankThe Frederick County Sheriff’s Office on Friday took two of Mike and Heather Martin’s children away to be placed in the temporary custody of their biological mother, Rose Hall, Maj. Tim Clarke of the sheriff’s office told BuzzFeed News.

Cody, the youngest child in the group, was a frequent target of his parents’ pranks and appeared to be the most resistant to them, according to popular YouTube commentator Philip DeFranco, who argued that DaddyOFive’s most recent video amounted to possible child abuse.

In that video, Heather hurled obscenities at Cody after falsely accusing him of pouring ink on his bedroom carpet. In the video, Cody was seen crying hysterically and denying the accusations while his parents called him a liar.   More

Strangest of the Strange (Warning: maybe offensive to some viewers)

Nutty Videos - Farmer Discovers 4 Kittens In Barn, But When They Grow He Realizes They’re Not House Cats

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Mother who wanted to look great for 50th birthday dies after fat burning cream and pill turned her skin purple

Posted By Staff

Date: June 25th, 2017

Category: Health, Nutty Jokes, Sad

50A family is mourning the loss of their mother who died as a result of her quest to look good for her 50th birthday.

50-year-old Linda Baranowski of Hatfield, England, was treated at several hospitals after her skin turned purple and her organs shut down.

An inquest heard that as part of her desire to look great for her birthday, Baranowski ordered a Yili Balo hot chilli anti-cellulite slimming cream and T5 fat burner pills from Facebook seller Kay Mavrides for £30 ($38).  More

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Three beachgoers injured when parks officer runs them over

Posted By Staff

Date: May 14th, 2017

Category: Nutty Jokes, odd, strange

beachA Miami-Dade County Parks and Recreation officer ran over three Crandon Park beachgoers with his county truck as they lay on the sand Friday evening, Miami-Dade police said.

The officer, whose name has not been released, was driving a Ford F-150 on the beach in Key Biscayne about 5:23 p.m. when he made a right turn and ran over the legs of two adults and a minor who were lounging in the sand, said Miami-Dade Police Detective Robin Pinkard.

He told police he didn’t see the three people.  More

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Driver crashes car onto house roof

Posted By Staff

Date: March 12th, 2017

Category: Nutty Jokes, strange

roofA driver in China lost control of his vehicle while driving on an elevated road and crashed onto the roof of a nearby residence.

Video of the crash shows the SUV abruptly swerving to the right before careening off the road, which had no protective railing, and into the roof of the home below.

The driver, who was traveling in the town of Taizhou, said he was trying to avoid a collision on the road but accidentally hit the accelerator while also directing the SUV off the road.  More

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Pro Basketball Player’s Eye Pops Out Of Its Socket

Posted By Staff

Date: January 28th, 2017

eyeBasketball player Akil Mitchell went up for a rebound Thursday and came down with a frightening eye injury in Auckland, New Zealand.

His eyeball appeared to pop out of its socket, prompting broadcasters to call for immediate emergency help.

Mitchell, playing for the New Zealand Breakers of the National Basketball League, was apparently poked by Cairns center Nnanna Egwu, causing his left eye to suddenly burst forth, Australian Associated Press wrote.  More  Graphic Video

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Trailer rolls down California highway without truck

Posted By Staff

Date: July 27th, 2016

Category: Nutty Jokes, strange

trailerBAKERSFIELD, California – A man driving down a stretch of highway in California captured video of a moving trailer missing an important component — the truck.

The video, filmed on northbound Highway 99 in Bakersfield, shows the filming driver approach what appears to be a perfectly normal trailer from the rear.

The car pulls up next to the trailer, revealing it’s rolling down the highway without the truck that used to be pulling it.  More  Video

Sat down in a bathroom stall…

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Armed Citizens Guard Texas Police Stations In Wake Of Dallas Shooting

Posted By Staff

Date: July 11th, 2016

armedPatton Village - A group of armed civilians stood outside two Texas police departments Saturday morning in an effort to show their support for law enforcement following the fatal shootings of five officers in Dallas.

James Evans, Roger Tarrant and Paul Wilson, all strapped with semi-automatic rifles, showed up at the Patton Village Police Department and stood outside for several hours, Guns.com reported.

It wasn’t long before locals started showing up with snacks and bottled water to support the men, they said.

“We had to put some of the food on the hood of our truck just so people would know that we were good,” Mr. Evans joked to the Montgomery County Police Reporter.  More

Protestors ran behind police…

Something happened at an assisted living center

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