Posts Tagged ‘nutty’

Notice

Posted By Staff

Date: August 30th, 2011

Category: Nutty News

Tags: , ,

notice

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nutty News Today   Nutty News for iPhone   Nutty News for Android Phones   Nutty Videos   Nutty News Facebook Fan Page   Nutty News on Twitter   Nutty Videos on Twitter   Register A Website Address – Choose A Hosting Package – Easy Do-It-Yourself Websites - HostWink.com  Nutty News Marketplace

Nutty Joke

Posted By Staff

Date: August 25th, 2011

Category: Nutty News

Tags: , ,

autoA woman pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. 

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. 

She says, ‘What’s the story?’ 

He replies, ‘Just crap in the carburetor. 

She asks, ‘How often do I have to do that?’

Nutty News Today   Nutty News for iPhone   Nutty News for Android Phones   Nutty Videos   Nutty News Facebook Fan Page   Nutty News on Twitter   Nutty Videos on Twitter   Register A Website Address – Choose A Hosting Package – Easy Do-It-Yourself Websites - HostWink.com  Nutty News Marketplace

Nutty Joke

Posted By Staff

Date: August 23rd, 2011

Category: Nutty News

Tags: , ,

frogA man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, “Ribbit. 9- Iron”.

The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone. “Ribbit. 9-Iron.” He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong. He puts his other club away, and grabs a 9-iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked!

He says to the frog, “Wow that’s amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?” The frog replies “Ribbit. Lucky frog.” The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. “What do you think frog?” the man asks. “Ribbit. 3-wood.”

The guy takes out a 3-wood, and boom! A hole in one.

The man is befuddled and doesn’t know what to say. By the end of the day, the man has golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, “OK where to next?” The frog replies, “Ribbit. Las Vegas.” They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, “OK frog, now what?” The frog says, “Ribbit. Roulette.”

Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, “What do you think I should bet?” The frog replies, “Ribbit. $3000, black 6.” Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom – tons of cash come sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, “Frog, I don’t know how to repay you. You’ve won me all this money and I am forever grateful.” The frog replies, “Ribbit, Kiss Me.”

He figures, Why not? After all the frog did for him, it is a small price to pay. With the kiss, however, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

“And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room.”

Nutty News Today   Nutty News for iPhone   Nutty News for Android Phones   Nutty Videos   Nutty News Facebook Fan Page   Nutty News on Twitter   Nutty Videos on Twitter   Register A Website Address – Choose A Hosting Package – Easy Do-It-Yourself Websites - HostWink.com  Nutty News Marketplace

Nutty Joke

Posted By Staff

Date: August 22nd, 2011

Category: Nutty News

Tags: , ,

juryA defendant was on trial for murder in Oklahoma. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.

In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,” the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. “Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom.”

He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.

Finally the lawyer said, “Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty.”

The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

“But how?” inquired the lawyer. “You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door.”

Answered the jury foreman: “Oh, we did look. But your client didn’t.”

Nutty Joke

Posted By Staff

Date: August 16th, 2011

Category: Nutty News

Tags: , ,

kissAfter a night on the town, a young woman brought a new friend home for a late-night drink. “You can’t make any noise,” she warned him. “My parents are upstairs and if they find out they’ll kill us.”

Things started getting heated on the sofa, but after a while alcohol got the better of the man. “I have to go,” he said.

“Well you can’t go upstairs. The bathroom is right next to my parents’ bedroom,” she replied. “Use the kitchen sink.”

So he dutifully retired to the kitchen. A few minutes later, he popped his head around the door and asked, “Do you have any toilet paper, or should I just use a paper towel?”

Nutty News Today   Nutty News for iPhone   Nutty News for Android Phones   Nutty Videos   Nutty News Facebook Fan Page   Nutty News on Twitter   Nutty Videos on Twitter   Register A Website Address – Choose A Hosting Package – Easy Do-It-Yourself Websites - HostWink.com  Nutty News Marketplace

Nutty Fact

Posted By Staff

Date: August 15th, 2011

Category: Nutty News

kingTexas: The King Ranch near Corpus Christi is larger than the state of Rhode Island, includes 50,000 head of cattle and more than 2,000 miles of fence.

.

 Nutty News Today   Nutty News for iPhone   Nutty News for Android Phones   Nutty Videos   Nutty News Facebook Fan Page   Nutty News on Twitter   Nutty Videos on Twitter   Register A Website Address – Choose A Hosting Package – Easy Do-It-Yourself Websites - HostWink.com  Nutty News Marketplace

Nutty Joke

Posted By Staff

Date: August 11th, 2011

Category: Nutty News

Tags: , ,

watchmanA company had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Management said, “Someone might steal from it at night.” So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then management said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?” So they created a planning department and hired two people; one person to write the instructions and one person to do time studies.

Then management said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing his tasks correctly?” So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then management said, “How are these people going to get paid?” So they created the following positions, a timekeeper and a payroll officer; then hired two more people.

Then management said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?” So they created an administrative section and hired three people; an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then management said, “We’ve had this command in operation for one year now and we’re $18,000 over budget. We have to cutback on overall costs.”

So they laid off the night watchman.

Nutty News Today   Nutty News for iPhone   Nutty News for Android Phones   Nutty Videos   Nutty News Facebook Fan Page   Nutty News on Twitter   Nutty Videos on Twitter   Register A Website Address – Choose A Hosting Package – Easy Do-It-Yourself Websites - HostWink.com  Nutty News Marketplace 

Nutty Joke

Posted By Staff

Date: August 9th, 2011

Category: Nutty News

Tags: , ,

white-houseThree contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C..

One from New Jersey, another from Tennessee and the third, Florida. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some Measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The New Jersey contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”

The New Jersey contractor whispers back, “$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.

Nutty News Today   Nutty News for iPhone   Nutty News for Android Phones   Nutty Videos   Nutty News Facebook Fan Page   Nutty News on Twitter   Nutty Videos on Twitter   Register A Website Address – Choose A Hosting Package – Easy Do-It-Yourself Websites - HostWink.com  Nutty News Marketplace

Nutty Quote

Posted By Staff

Date: August 8th, 2011

Category: Nutty News

Tags: , ,

soapFatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Bill Cosby

.

.

 

Nutty Fact

Posted By Staff

Date: August 8th, 2011

Category: Nutty News

Tags: , ,

batBats are very clean animals, and groom themselves almost constantly (when not eating or sleeping) to keep their fur soft and clean, like tiny cats.

.

.

Nutty News Today   Nutty News for iPhone   Nutty News for Android Phones   Nutty Videos   Nutty News Facebook Fan Page   Nutty News on Twitter   Nutty Videos on Twitter   Register A Website Address – Choose A Hosting Package – Easy Do-It-Yourself Websites - HostWink.com  Nutty News Marketplace

Nutty Joke

Posted By Staff

Date: August 7th, 2011

Category: Nutty News

Tags: , ,

ten-dollarsJohnny and his wife went to the State Fair every year. Every year Johnny would say, “I’d like to ride in that airplane.” And every year his wife would say, “I know, Johnny, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.” This one year Johnny and his wife went to the fair and Johnny said, “I’m 71 years old. If I don’t ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance.”

“That airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.”, replied his wife.

The pilot overheard them and said, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won’t charge you, but if you say one word it’s ten dollars.”

Johnny and his wife agree and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They land and the pilot turns to Johnny, “By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.”

Johnny replied, “Well, I was gonna say something when my wife fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars.”

Nutty Fact

Posted By Staff

Date: August 5th, 2011

Category: Nutty News

dancingAn old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than three steps backwards while dancing!

.

.

Nutty News Today   Nutty News for iPhone   Nutty News for Android Phones   Nutty Videos   Nutty News Facebook Fan Page   Nutty News on Twitter   Nutty Videos on Twitter   Register A Website Address – Choose A Hosting Package – Easy Do-It-Yourself Websites - HostWink.com  Nutty News Marketplace 

Nutty Joke

Posted By Staff

Date: August 5th, 2011

Category: Nutty News

Tags: , ,

mens-roomThis guy is sitting in a bar drunk. He asks the bartender, “Where’s the bathroom at?” The bartender says, “Go down the hall and make a right.”

Well, all of a sudden, everybody at the bar hears this loud scream coming from the bathroom, and they wonder about what’s going on in there. A few minutes go by, and again, everybody at the bar hears another loud scream that came out of the bathroom. This time, the bartender decides to investigate, and he goes into the bathroom to see what the drunk is screaming about.

He opens the door and asks the drunk, “What’s all the screaming about in here? You are scaring all my customers away.”

The drunk whines, “I’m sitting on the toilet and every time I go to flush it, something comes up and squeezes the heck out of my gonads!”

With that, the bartender looks in and says, “No wonder! You’re sitting on a mop bucket, you idiot!!”

Nutty News Today   Nutty News for iPhone   Nutty News for Android Phones   Nutty Videos   Nutty News Facebook Fan Page   Nutty News on Twitter   Nutty Videos on Twitter   Register A Website Address – Choose A Hosting Package – Easy Do-It-Yourself Websites - HostWink.com  Nutty News Marketplace

Nutty Fact

Posted By Staff

Date: August 4th, 2011

Category: Nutty News

Tags: , ,

frogIt was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. The frog throws up its stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of its mouth. Then the frog uses its forearms to dig out all of the stomach’s contents and then swallows the stomach back down again.

.

Nutty News Today   Nutty News for iPhone   Nutty News for Android Phones   Nutty Videos   Nutty News Facebook Fan Page   Nutty News on Twitter   Nutty Videos on Twitter   Register A Website Address – Choose A Hosting Package – Easy Do-It-Yourself Websites - HostWink.com  Nutty News Marketplace

Nutty Joke

Posted By Staff

Date: July 31st, 2011

Category: Nutty News

Tags: , ,

hillbilly3Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, ‘Kin ya swallar?’

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, ‘Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it!’

Nutty News Today   Nutty News for iPhone   Nutty News for Android Phones   Nutty Videos   Nutty News Facebook Fan Page   Nutty News on Twitter   Nutty Videos on Twitter   Register A Website Address – Choose A Hosting Package – Easy Do-It-Yourself Websites - HostWink.com  Nutty News Marketplace